Nursery Settling-In Period
Understand how nursery settling-in sessions work, how long adjustment may take, what parents can do before the first day and how to support a child who becomes upset at separation.
Create A Settling-In PlanPlan Settling Sessions
Build a gradual nursery settling-in plan around your child’s age, previous separation experience and attendance pattern.
Use The PlannerHandle Separation
Learn how calm, brief and predictable goodbyes can help children understand that parents leave and return.
Read Separation TipsKnow When To Review
Identify signs that the plan should be slowed down, adapted or discussed in more detail with the child’s key person.
Review Warning SignsNursery Settling-In Period Planner
Answer a few questions to create a suggested starting structure for nursery visits, short separations and the move towards normal sessions.
Your Child’s Starting Situation
This planner provides a flexible starting point rather than a fixed timetable. The nursery and family should adapt the plan in response to the child.
Your Suggested Settling Plan Will Appear Here
Enter your child’s age, nursery schedule, previous care experience and likely challenges to create a starting plan.
Your Nursery Settling-In Plan
Nursery Settling-In At A Glance
A successful start is not measured by the absence of tears. It is about gradually building safety, trust and familiarity with the nursery.
Explore Starting Nursery Guides
Prepare for the first day, compare nursery arrangements and understand fees, contracts and childcare routines.
What Is A Nursery Settling-In Period?
A nursery settling-in period is a planned transition before or during the child’s first days. It may include short visits with a parent, brief separations and gradually longer periods of care.
The aim is to help the child become familiar with the environment, build a relationship with the key person and learn that the parent returns after leaving.
- Meet the child’s key person before the first full session.
- Share sleep, food, comfort and communication routines.
- Begin with manageable visits where possible.
- Use a calm and consistent goodbye routine.
- Increase separation as the child shows readiness.
- Review the plan when distress remains intense or prolonged.
How Does The Nursery Settling-In Period Work?
Nurseries use different settling arrangements. Some offer several short visits before the official start date. Others provide one introductory session followed by gradually longer attendance.
The most suitable approach depends on the child’s age, experience of separation, temperament, additional needs and the amount of time available before regular childcare must begin.
Meeting The Key Person
The key person should learn how the child communicates hunger, tiredness, discomfort and the need for reassurance. Parents can explain familiar words, gestures, routines and comfort strategies.
Parent-And-Child Visits
An early visit with a parent allows the child to explore while a familiar adult remains nearby. The key person can begin joining play, offering comfort and taking part in care routines.
Short Separations
The parent may leave for a brief and agreed period while remaining nearby or contactable. The nursery can observe how the child seeks comfort and whether they begin to engage after the goodbye.
Longer Settling Sessions
Once the child has experienced manageable separations, the session can include a meal, sleep, outdoor play or another important part of the normal routine.
Moving To Normal Attendance
The nursery and parent can increase the session towards the normal booked hours. This may happen quickly for one child and more slowly for another.
| Possible Stage | What May Happen | Main Purpose | What To Observe |
|---|---|---|---|
| Introductory Visit | Parent and child explore the room together. | Build familiarity with staff and surroundings. | Curiosity, caution, preferred toys and reactions to adults. |
| Key-Person Visit | The key person joins play and begins a simple care routine. | Start building trust with a consistent nursery adult. | Whether the child accepts interaction or reassurance. |
| Short Separation | Parent leaves for a brief agreed period. | Introduce the experience of leaving and returning. | Intensity of distress and ability to accept comfort. |
| Partial Session | Child stays for play and a meal or nap. | Test an important part of the normal nursery day. | Eating, sleeping, play, regulation and communication. |
| Normal Session | Child attends the planned booked hours. | Establish a predictable ongoing routine. | Recovery after goodbye and wellbeing across the day. |
Are Settling-In Sessions Free?
Nursery policies vary. Some providers include introductory visits without charge, while others charge for longer or additional sessions. Ask what is included before signing the contract.
Can A Parent Stay During Settling-In?
Many nurseries allow a parent or familiar carer to stay during an initial visit. Later stages commonly involve the parent leaving so the child can begin forming a relationship with nursery staff.
Does Every Nursery Offer Settling Sessions?
Most providers have an introductory process, but the format and number of sessions differ. Ask for the nursery’s settling-in policy when comparing settings.
How Long Does A Child Take To Settle Into Nursery?
There is no fixed nursery settling-in period that suits every child. Some children begin engaging soon after the parent leaves, while others need repeated experience before nursery feels predictable and safe.
Settling Can Take Days Or Weeks
A child may appear comfortable within a few sessions or may need several weeks to build confidence. Progress can also be uneven, with easier and harder days.
Age Can Influence The Transition
Babies, toddlers and preschool children may express separation differently. A younger baby may adapt to a consistent carer, while an older baby or toddler may show stronger awareness when a parent leaves.
Previous Separation Experience Matters
A child who regularly spends time with trusted relatives or another childcare provider may already understand separation and reunion. A child with little experience away from parents may need more gradual preparation.
Attendance Frequency Can Affect Familiarity
Children attending several days each week may become familiar with nursery routines more quickly because less time passes between sessions. Children attending one day each week may need longer to recognise the pattern.
Illness And Holidays Can Interrupt Progress
A break soon after starting may make the nursery feel unfamiliar again. The child may need a shorter re-settling period after illness, holiday or a room change.
Changes At Home Can Affect Settling
Moving house, a new sibling, disrupted sleep or a parent returning to work can increase the number of changes the child is processing.
Quick Initial Adjustment
The child accepts comfort, begins playing and gradually participates in routine activities.
Gradual Adjustment
Goodbyes remain difficult, but recovery becomes faster and the child engages for more of the session.
Interrupted Adjustment
Illness, holidays or room changes temporarily make separation more difficult again.
Plan Needs Reviewing
Distress stays intense, the child cannot accept comfort or wellbeing remains affected across the session.
Can Settling Become Difficult After A Good Start?
Yes. Some children initially explore confidently and become more upset once they understand that nursery is a repeated separation. This does not necessarily mean the placement is unsuitable.
Does Crying Mean Nursery Is Not Working?
Not by itself. Many children cry at separation but recover with support. More useful information includes how long the child remains distressed and whether they later engage, eat, sleep and seek comfort from staff.
How To Prepare For The Nursery Settling-In Period
Preparation can make the nursery feel more predictable and help staff provide care that resembles the child’s familiar routines.
Visit The Nursery Together
Let the child see the entrance, room, outdoor area and key person before the first normal session.
Share A Detailed Routine
Explain sleep, meals, bottles, toileting, comfort, language and any important medical or developmental information.
Practise Short Separations
Where possible, allow a trusted adult to care for the child for manageable periods before nursery begins.
Talk About Nursery Simply
Use positive and realistic language about playing, eating, resting and the parent returning later.
Prepare Familiar Items
Label clothing and pack any agreed comfort item, family photo, cup, bottle or sleep item.
Create A Goodbye Routine
Use the same short phrase, hug and handover rather than leaving secretly or repeatedly returning.
Share Sleep Information
Explain usual nap times, tired signs, sleep environment and how the child is normally soothed. The nursery may need to follow its safe sleep policy while still using familiar cues.
Share Feeding And Mealtime Information
Tell staff about milk, food preferences, allergies, feeding equipment and signs that the child is hungry or full.
Share Comfort Strategies
Explain whether the child responds to holding, rocking, singing, quiet space, a familiar object or distraction through play.
Share Communication Cues
Provide familiar words, signs, gestures and pronunciations. This can help the key person recognise what the child is requesting.
Use Books And Photographs
Simple stories about nursery and photographs of the setting or key person can help older babies, toddlers and preschool children revisit the experience at home.
Avoid Promising That The Child Will Not Cry
Reassure the child that nursery adults will care for them and that the parent will return. Avoid creating pressure to appear happy or brave.
How To Handle Separation During Nursery Settling-In
Separation can be emotional for both the child and parent. A calm, clear and repeatable handover helps the child learn what happens at nursery.
Keep The Goodbye Predictable
Use a short routine such as hanging up the child’s belongings, greeting the key person, giving a hug and saying when you will return in language the child can understand.
Do Not Leave Secretly
Disappearing without saying goodbye may avoid immediate crying but can make the child more watchful because they do not know when the parent might vanish.
Avoid Repeated Goodbyes
Returning several times after beginning to leave can make the separation longer and less predictable. Once the handover is complete, allow staff to begin comforting the child.
Let The Key Person Take Over
The child needs opportunities to discover that a nursery adult can provide reassurance. Staff may use a familiar toy, window wave, activity or quiet space.
Agree How The Nursery Will Update You
Ask whether staff can send a message or make a call after the child settles. Agree what they will do if distress remains intense.
Use Honest Return Language
Young children may understand events better than clock times. Say that you will return after lunch, sleep or outdoor play when that matches the nursery routine.
Stay Calm Without Dismissing Feelings
It is possible to acknowledge that saying goodbye is difficult while still communicating confidence in the nursery and key person.
| Helpful Approach | Why It May Help | Approach To Avoid |
|---|---|---|
| Use the same short goodbye phrase. | Repetition makes the handover more predictable. | Changing the routine every day. |
| Tell the child you are leaving. | Builds trust around separation and return. | Leaving secretly while the child is distracted. |
| Allow the key person to comfort the child. | Supports a new secure relationship at nursery. | Remaining indefinitely when separation has begun. |
| Describe return using the child’s routine. | Events can be easier to understand than clock times. | Giving a return time the child cannot interpret. |
| Ask for a settling update. | Helps parents understand what happened after leaving. | Calling continuously and interrupting staff support. |
What If The Parent Feels Upset?
It is normal for parents to find separation difficult. Discuss the update arrangements in advance and seek support from another adult after leaving rather than extending the child’s goodbye.
Should The Same Parent Do Every Drop-Off?
Consistency can help initially, but families should gradually establish a routine that works in everyday life. Different trusted adults can use the same handover pattern.
Sleep, Food And Comfort During Settling-In
A child may manage play confidently but struggle with sleep, feeding or personal care in an unfamiliar environment. These routines often require their own gradual adjustment.
Nursery Sleep
The child may sleep differently at nursery because the room, sounds, cot or mattress and settling adult are unfamiliar. Share normal tired signs and soothing methods.
The nursery should follow its safe sleep procedures. Ask where and how sleep is supervised and how parents receive updates.
Bottles And Milk
Families should agree preparation, storage, labelling and feeding arrangements before the first longer session. Explain the child’s preferred position, temperature and feeding cues.
Meals And Snacks
A child may initially eat less at nursery due to excitement, tiredness or unfamiliar food. Share allergies, dietary needs, preferred foods and any concerns about feeding.
Toileting And Nappies
Explain familiar words and routines. Children beginning toilet learning may temporarily have more accidents during a major transition.
Comfort Objects
A familiar blanket, soft toy, family photograph or other agreed object can connect home and nursery. Check the provider’s safety and hygiene rules.
Home Language
Share important words and phrases used at home. Familiar language can help a child understand care routines and requests.
Additional Needs
Children with communication, sensory, medical or developmental needs may benefit from extra visits, visual information, consistent staff and a detailed transition plan.
Sleep Information
Share nap times, tired signs, comfort methods and normal sleep length.
Food Information
Share allergies, textures, feeding support and familiar meals.
Personal Care
Explain nappies, toileting, creams, clothing and familiar language.
Sensory Support
Identify noise, touch, lighting or environmental triggers and useful calming strategies.
What If A Child Is Not Settling Into Nursery?
Difficult settling does not automatically mean the nursery place should end. The first step is to gather detailed information and identify which part of the experience is most difficult.
Ask What Happens After You Leave
Find out how long the child remains distressed, whether they accept comfort and whether they later play, eat, sleep or interact with other children.
Identify Patterns
Distress may be stronger on particular days, after poor sleep, during busy arrivals, before meals or when the key person is absent.
Review The Attendance Pattern
Long gaps between nursery days can make familiarity harder to maintain. Where practical, discuss whether a different pattern would help.
Review The Handover
A long or uncertain goodbye may increase distress. Agree a calm routine and allow one consistent staff member to receive the child.
Strengthen The Key-Person Relationship
The nursery may arrange extra contact with the key person through favourite activities, care routines or quieter parts of the day.
Use Shorter Sessions Temporarily
Where possible, a child who becomes overwhelmed by a full day may benefit from shorter successful experiences before hours increase.
Consider Sensory Or Communication Needs
Noise, crowding, unfamiliar language or difficulty expressing needs can contribute to distress. Discuss environmental adaptations and communication support.
Consider Health And Development
Persistent changes in eating, sleep, behaviour or wellbeing should be considered in the wider context of the child’s health and development.
| Observation | Possible Meaning | Possible Next Step |
|---|---|---|
| Cries at goodbye but settles shortly afterwards. | Separation is difficult, but nursery comfort is becoming effective. | Continue a consistent handover and monitor recovery. |
| Distress continues for most of every session. | The current plan may be too demanding or support may need adapting. | Meet the key person and manager to review the transition. |
| Settles with one staff member only. | A secure relationship is developing but continuity is important. | Plan gradual familiarity with another trusted adult. |
| Plays but will not eat or sleep. | Care routines may feel less familiar than play. | Share detailed home cues and introduce routines gradually. |
| Settling worsens after illness or holiday. | The nursery routine may feel unfamiliar again. | Use a short re-settling plan. |
| Distress is linked to noise or busy periods. | The environment may feel overwhelming. | Consider quieter arrival, calm space or sensory support. |
When Should Parents Speak To The Nursery Manager?
Request a review when distress remains intense, communication is unclear, agreed support is not being provided or the family has concerns about the child’s wellbeing.
When Might A Different Nursery Be Considered?
A different setting may be considered where the environment, routines or available support do not meet the child’s needs and a careful review has not produced improvement.
Read our Choosing a Nursery guide for help comparing staff relationships, routines, safeguarding and individual support.
Questions To Ask About Nursery Settling-In
Ask about the settling process before accepting a nursery place so that you understand the expected visits, charges and communication.
Questions About Settling Sessions
- How many introductory visits are normally offered?
- Can a parent stay during the first visit?
- When will the first separation happen?
- Can sessions be extended or shortened according to the child?
- Are settling-in sessions included in the nursery fee?
- What happens if the child needs additional visits?
Questions About The Key Person
- Who will be the child’s key person?
- Will that person be present during settling visits?
- Who supports the child when the key person is absent?
- How will information about home routines be recorded?
Questions About Communication
- Will the nursery contact the parent after the child settles?
- When will staff call if distress continues?
- How will eating, sleeping and play be reported?
- Is there a review after the first week or first month?
Questions About Comfort And Care
- Can the child bring a familiar comfort item?
- How are babies and toddlers soothed?
- How are sleep and bottle routines managed?
- Is a quiet area available when the room feels overwhelming?
Questions About Fees And Contracts
- When do normal fees begin?
- Are additional settling sessions charged?
- What notice applies if the place does not continue?
- What happens to the nursery deposit if the child cannot settle?
Review our Nursery Deposit Guide and Nursery Registration Fee guide before paying to secure a place.
Related Starting Nursery Guides
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Review Starting AgesChoosing A Nursery
Compare safeguarding, staff, routines, communication, fees and the quality of individual support.
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Read The Baby Nursery GuideNursery Deposit Guide
Understand deposits, refunds, deductions and cancellation terms before accepting a place.
Review Deposit TermsHow Much Does Nursery Cost?
Calculate nursery fees and understand daily, weekly, monthly and annual childcare costs.
Calculate Nursery CostsNursery Settling-In Period FAQs
Answers to common questions about settling sessions, separation, crying, sleep, fees and the first weeks at nursery.
Create A Nursery Settling-In Plan
Use your child’s age, previous care experience, nursery schedule and likely challenges to create a flexible starting plan for visits and separation.
Use The Settling-In Planner